Zootweeting

Steve Hämbôn Stein‏ @StephenHStein
Live tweeting me chaperoning my daughter and her class to the zoo…
9:07 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
I have 5 kids in my group. I said we should think of a group name. They wanted Tigers, King Cobras, Lions, Tarantulas, Black Vipers, etc. I said we should be the most vicious dangerous animal there is. We are THE HIPPOS.
9:09 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Getting a lot of pushback on the name, but I told them about the baby hippo chewing on a crocodile and how the crocodiles won’t do a thing with the mother hippo five feet away because even a crocodile knows about hippos.

9:10 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
They’re cool wwith hippos.
9:10 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
We’ve boarded the bus. I’m in the back. All kids are shouting and screaming. It’s SO loud. Why aren’t we going? 😱
9:11 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
I feel like I’m being punished. AM I BEING PUNISHED? Was I supposed to bring doughnuts? These kids,they’re so LOUD! 😱😱😱
9:13 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Seems quiet peaceful meditation isn’t part of the second grade curriculum.
9:15 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Phew. We’re moving. 🙌🏼
9:17 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
My daughter just turned around and told me the number of our bus is 572. This is so I don’t forget at the end- which happened last time. She gets dessert tonight. ⭐️
9:20 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
It’s still SO LOUD! Every stoplight it gets LOUDER. How is that even possible?😕
9:28 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Kids across the aisle from each are NOT keeping hands to themselves. I got this.
“Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.”
9:36 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
‘Sir, the screaming is coming from inside the bus…’ 😱😱😱
9:41 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Sign for the zoo has been spotted.
‘WE’RE AT THE ZOO! WE’RE AT THE ZOO! WE’RE AT THE ZOO!”
9:44 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
There’s a picture of a monkey at the entrance. Kids acting/screaming like actual monkeys.
‘OOO AHHH OOO AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!’ 🐒🐒🐒
9:45 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
We’re in the parking lot… so close.
9:45 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
A child has farted. #gross 👱🏼‍♂️💨
9:46 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Parking…
9:47 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
We’re getting off the bus. WE’RE HERE! 🙌🏼
9:48 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Gah! 🤬 Waiting at the gate. Zoo doesn’t open for 6 more minutes. Bunch of schools today, tons of kids…
9:54 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
We’re in. GOing to Big CAts! We have found an AmuR Leopard in cage outside. It’s eating a meat chunk.
10:04 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Inside the Big Cat House. You can REALLY smell the urine… #giantlitterbox
10:07 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
WHERE ARE THEY? Guess they’re all sleeping… 💤💤💤
10:08 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Back outside. In front of sloth bear cage.
“Guys, this is my spirit animal.”
(Nothing)
10:14 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Seth was just climbing over fence to the tiger enclosure. 🚨WTF!!!🚨
“SETH! GET DOWN! DUDE! DOWN!”
😳🤯😕
👉🏼 I’ve just earned ALL the chaperone money. 💰
10:15 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Inside Swamp House. It’s dark, real dark in the corners. Also lots of kids from different schools everywhere. Where are mine??? 🙄
“HIPPOS! Let’s go!”
10:32 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
‘I’m hungry.’
‘I’m hungry.’
‘Can we have lunch?’
“Guys, it’s only 10:30.”
‘But we’re hungry.’
“Ok, after the monkey house.”
10:35 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
🐵🏠… Also smells like urine. Seth is leaning over rail to where gorillas are. FFS!
“Dude, DOWN!”
😳
10:51 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Lunch. We’re eating lunch. I’ve been a pack mule with backpack full of everyone’s lunches. So, yeah, lunch! #letsdothis
10:56 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
“Guys, leave the geese alone. No, don’t feed them! You eat YOUR lunch, the geese will eat theirs.”
10:57 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Geese are serious. They’re prowling the picnic area like sharks.
11:04 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
“GUYS, leave them alone and they’ll leave you alone. Just be cool. And eat your lunch.”
FFS!
11:06 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
They’re calling me ‘coach’.
11:08 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Just opened a juice pouch for one of them by poking it with a straw. I have skillz. I am COACH!
11:09 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
They all do the ‘floss’ if they’ve been standing still for too long; that dance from Katy Perry’s backpack kid. Don’t think it’s called the floss. Floss is something else.

11:10 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Wrapping up lunch. Going to check out spider maze across the way… 🕷🕸11:11 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
“Seriously, guys. Leave the geese be.”
11:14 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Bah! Maze was a tease. Not open. Sigh.., Going to Feathers and sScales.
🕊🐍
11:21 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Pelicans in pond. HUGE pelicans.
“Whoa, guys, check out the giant water pigeons.”
(Nothing)
11:29 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Feathers and Scales also smells like urine. Does everything smell like pee here?
11:31 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
A lot of the snake sstuff is like Where’s Waldo.
‘I see it!’
11:33 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
“C’mon, Seth. Don’t tap on the glass. Would you like it if someone tapped on your glass?”
11:36 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Hanging out by pond again.
11:40 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Peacocks just roam around here like farm chickens. This one is doing its thing with the feathers. Magnificent! ✨ But the back really pales to the front.

11:44 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Tortoises. Turns out kids are into tortoises. We’ve been here longer than when we saw the Amur Leopard. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe it’s a TMNT thing…

11:56 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Baby ducks have been spotted!!! 🐥🐥🐥 And💩.
‘Look at all the poo you guys!’
Kids ❤️💩‼️
11:57 AM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
In charge of coats as everyone goes to bathroom. Living the dream!
12:27 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
In the Australian area, specifically the kangaroos.
“WHoa, guys, those rabbits are gigantic!”
(Nothing)
12:34 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Bison. These things are ENORMOUS! Tatanka must mean ‘wooly food wall’.
12:43 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Wait, are the bison really located near the restaurant where they serve bison burgers? Dear god! 😱 SRSLY?
12:44 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
👆🏼 @brookfield_zoo 😢
12:45 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
At playground. A few more minutes and we head to parking lot…
12:48 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Aw snap! Just got a text from teacher. We’re late. 😬
12:57 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
“Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, we’re going.”
12:57 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Map is crap. Where the hell are we? ACK!!!
1:07 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Ok I see where we are.
“Pick up the pace guys! We gotta get past the carousel. Hopefully the bus is still there.” 🚌>🎠
1:08 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
Exit is chaos. It’s swimming with kids. Crazytown, There are TONS of buses, a sea of orange. 🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌🚌 How are we- oh there it is.
1:09 PM — 22 May 2018

Steve Hämbôn Stein @StephenHStein
We’re back on the bus. I wentt out with 5 and came back with 5. Yuss!!!
💪🏼🏆🎉
1:10 PM — 22 May 2018

Full disclosure: I couldn’t really live live-tweet as I had chaperoning responsibilities. ‘Oh, sorry about your kid, I was tweeting…’

Fuller disclosure: So I tweaked and massaged later.

Fullest disclosure: But this is mos def the gist.

Bonus video: something I put together back in the day that has now come full circle…

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Stephen H Stein

Stephen H Stein

Have a nice day unless you have other plans.

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