This Modern World

[In an Andy Rooney voice…]

Have you ever noticed how people on TV or in movies never say goodbye on the phone? One person will say, “Just stay where you are! I’ll be right there!” And then the other person says, “Hurry!” But then no one says, “Ok, bye.” Or “Great, talk to you soon.” They just cut to the first person racing along the side of a cliff in their convertible. Sure, I understand we need to get to the end of the show, but I think a lack of signing off is creeping into our everyday telecommunications.

Personally, I say goodbye. I like the closure. But maybe I’m old fashioned*.

My daughter is 10… and a half. She’s too young for a phone, so we got her a watch. They have those now. (Yes, she’s practically a 1930’s gumshoe.) We got it because we were tired of opening the front door and shouting into the void. So we call her on her watch and ask her to come home or what she might like for dinner. It works well. Except she doesn’t say goodbye.

“Nola,” I’ll say. “Can you come home now? We’re going to have dinner soon.”

“Ok,” she’ll say. And then there’s nothing. I can’t even get the ‘Buh’ out of my mouth before it’s just me with a piece of glass against my cheek.

Which got me thinking — what if she’s on to something? What if we don’t need to say goodbye? She knows to come home now. What else is there? The ‘Bye’ is implied. To add a farewell statement is to keep an extra beat that slows the pace and impedes the plot.

“Ok, see you at home,” is nothing but a vestigial tail.

Or is it?

Today I called her back.

“Nola,” I said. “Two things. One, you have to say goodbye on a phone call. It’s part of the social contract. It signals that you’re done. It also gives the other person a chance to add something, or to confirm their commitment in ending the call as well. And two, how’s mac and cheese sound?”

“Good.”

“Ok, see you at home.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

* Although I only use one space after a period.