The One About My New Suitcase
because I got a new suitcase
This is WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION and SO INCREDIBLY TRIVIAL, but I got a new suitcase. My current bag has long seen better days. And it was time. So I posted something about it on the Facebook.
Steve: I’ve been researching suitcases.
Bruce: Really? What’s wrong with the one you have?
Steve: Well, it’s dark grey, but with a lot of black duct tape accents.
Bruce: Oh.
Steve: And the zippers, well, they only work with, uh, curios.
Bruce (laughing): OH MY GOD I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN BY CURIOS! PAPERCLIPS!
Steve: Bread ties.
Bruce: OLD SPOONS!
Steve: Forks with one bent tine pressed shut.
Bruce: PLASTIC STRAWS TIED IN A KNOT!
Steve: Leftover shoelace.
Bruce: KEYRING RING!
Beat.
Steve: But they’ve all fallen off.
Bruce: Oh.
—
Fun fact: In the same way that when I got a new car in 2005 with a remote lock (chirp chirp), I’m looking forward to spinners.
#curios
I thought it was just a funny bit, but apparently luggage cuts right to the heart. Friends posted their gear reccos. It was very nice. I was touched actually. Of course, what I learned is that I’m OUT of touch.
First of all, no one calls it a suitcase anymore. (Suitcase is the new valise.) They are either check-ins or carry-ons.
Also, I’m a person who believes jeans should cost $30 and never more than $40. I’ve since come around, but in that same vein a piece of luggage shouldn’t cost more than $100 and it should probably come from Marshall’s or TJ Maxx. The bags my friends were recommending were all in the $300+ range. The Tumi selection, ahem, a bit more…
Luggage is a commitment and once you get a set, you’re set. A decent bag can last more than a decade, like a car. And just like a car, bags depreciate rapidly. They get scratched and dinged by default.
I got online and researched. Everything kept coming up Travelpro. So I purchased the 29” Maxlite 4 from Amazon. It came and I was horrified. It was HUGE! I could put a Toyota in it. Maybe not the Landcruiser, but anything else no problem.
My horror was three-fold:
1) With the wheels added to the 29" height, I could already sense my oversized bag fee anxiety.
2) Its size, coupled with my irrational need to overpack, I could easily go way beyond the 50lb weight limit and incur another charge.
3) Would I be able to fit it — along with all my family’s luggage — in the trunk, or would I forever be renting minivans and SUV’s, essentially additional up-charges?
So I returned it. Amazon made it easy. I just had to go to Kohl’s. And then Kohl’s gave me a receipt with a coupon for $10 if I spent $30.
Well played, commerce!
(And yes, I have two new workout shirts and a lightweight hoodie.)
When my wife and I got married, we received a gift certificate to a travel store called Flight 001. I think it’s only online now, but they curate travel stuff like bags. I got a luggage tag, but Pam got a red Hideo Wakamatsu carry-on. We’ve been married 11 years and she still loves both me AND the bag.
Pam: I really love my bag. You should see if they make anything else.
Steve: Um, ok.
I checked out the Hideo Wakamatsu website. And I definitely picked up what they were putting down. It was cool. But the thing about the jeans kicked in. There was no way.
But then I clicked SALE.
30% off if I got a check-in AND carry-on…
I don’t even have a carry-on. And, of course, someday I might NEED one. I AM an adult.
I COULDN’T NOT DO IT.
So I did it.
And then I got super excited and started accessorizing it with a new Star Wars (seriously perfect) luggage tag.
I’ve been waiting all week and it arrived last night. I’d just put my son down, and Pam was still out at the ice skating show with my daughter. I was all alone.
I carefully took the check-in out of the box, and pulled it from the plastic bag. Then I opened it and pulled out the carry-on. I know it’s weird to say this out loud, but it was sort of like birth (Cesarean) because the carry-on is just a smaller version of the check-in.
Anyway, they’re beautiful and I love them. They don’t even have new luggage smell — they have NO scent. Yet I LOVE them. (It’s weird. I can’t explain it.) I dig the plastic covered nylon. It’s smoove. From a distance it looks like leather. The spinners quietly float my bag across the floor in any direction. There are more hidden pockets than the website led me to believe — which is awesome because I’m all about a hidden pocket. And it all came with TSA approved locks. (Of course, I already purchased TSA approved locks during my accessory fever.)
After removing all tags/padding, and unzipping/zipping everything many times, I put the carry-on in the check-in and brought them downstairs to where we keep the luggage. It was done. I felt whole. When Pam got home, I brought her down to see my new friends. She spotted the luggage tag immediately.
Pam: Oh my god! You’ve already accessorized it?
Steve: Duh.
Pam: Where’s the carry-on?
I opened the check-in and pulled out the carry-on.
Pam: Ok, but this is the only time you can do this where you put one inside the other. Do you know why?
Steve: First of all, it’s called nesting.
Pam:
Steve: Nesting. Did you like that?
Pam: Yes, very nice. But this is the one and only time you can nest. Do you know why?
Steve:
Pam: Because once your bag is out in the world, it’s contaminated. It touches things and then if you nest it in the big one, it contaminates it.
Fun fact: Pam’s dad is an infectious disease specialist.
Steve: Ok.
Pam went upstairs to put our daughter down, then she and I watched a show and went to bed. I clicked the light shut.
Steve: I’m so happy about my luggage. It’s weird. It’s seriously weird.
Pam: They’re really nice. It’s like you’ve arrived.
Steve: So to speak.
Pam: Really?
Steve: I can’t help myself.
Pam: What’s the material again?
Steve: Plastic coated nylon. It looks like leather, right?
Pam: No, not really. It’s nice, though.
Steve: It’s water resistant.
Pam: Cool. That’s good.
Steve: Should I go get it and bring it upstairs?
Pam: What? Why?
Steve: So we can gaze upon it in the morning.
Pam:
Steve: Did you hear what I said?
Pam: I did.
Steve: Should I take your silence as a no?
Pam: Yes.
Steve: Wait, is that a yes yes because I can go down and-
Pam: Go to bed.
Addendum:
It’s just luggage. It’s a zippered cavity in which I put my clothes. I’m sorrynotsorry I’ve taken up so much of your time. But in my research where Big Data watches you shop, I now get TONS of ads popping up about luggage. Everyone is trying to create the ultimate bag with built in batteries, scales, WIFI hot spots, etc. It’s very millennial. Like a cool new vape pen. Or Betty White doing the dap.
Some Extra Baggage:
This one is literally the carry-on that carries you, which is actually the tag line:
The reverse engineering on this one is kinda brilliant:
The Cadillac of Away:
Also like the Away, but NO EXTERIOR ZIPPERS:
This one has BIG wheels, which I guess is a thing:
These are so damn handsome:
And then there’s this one — recommended to me a LOOOOONG time ago — which is right up there with Tumi:
