Remote School Home Interview

Friday night we had frozen pizza for dinner. Well, the kids. They LOVE the Home Run Inn. It’s good and all, but Phoebe and I went with leftover Thai. It was still good. But I digress.

After dinner Ella ran up to get her school iPad. She wanted to read us the story she wrote about adopting our cat. Her story was full of details and personal observations. It reminded me of the stuff I write, which, um, made me think of, um, how a fifth grade level is actually pretty good, and um, anyway…

Ella finished her story and tapped to another page.

Ella
I’m supposed to interview my parents.

(Kyle understood this was his out and went to watch his iPad because if there’s one thing that kid needs… is more screen time.)

Steve
Now?

Ella
Yes.

Steve
Should I do something with my hair or…

Ella
You’re fine. What has been the biggest change?

Steve
Since what?

Ella
Since the pandemic.

Steve
Oh, trying hard not to murder everyone.

Ella
(laughing)

Phoebe
And balance. It’s hard to balance everything. Like work and family and-

Ella
Can I write down the murder one?

Steve
It is true. And from the heart.

Phoebe
You have to include the one about balance, too.

Ella
How are you finding homeschooling?

Steve
I’ll take this one. (Looking at Phoebe) Is shitshow one word or two?

Phoebe
Do NOT write that down. Challenging and frustrating.

Ella
But Dad said-

Phoebe
Challenging and frustrating.

Ella
How many days have you spent at home?

Steve
All of them.

Phoebe
(nodding)

Ella
How are you feeling?

Steve (looking at Phoebe)
Is murdery a word?

Phoebe
Depressed and grateful.

Steve
Yeah, that’s pretty spot on.

Ella
What activities/hobbies have you most enjoyed doing?

Steve
Sleeping.

Phoebe
That’s not true, though.

Steve
Right. A good night’s sleep is more of a goal.

Phoebe
We play card games and board games. And we’ve gone biking. We painted those birdhouses. That was fun.

Steve
Those birdhouses were everything!

Ella
What are your top three moments from this experience?

Steve
Three seems like a lot, sweetie. Who came up with these questions?

Anyway, it went on, but that’s the gist. Although there was a last question…

Ella
What are your goals for after this?

Phoebe
To travel and see family.

Steve
I don’t know. I’d like to go to China and maybe try some bat soup or-

Phoebe
Travel and see family.

Note: If you notice the way Ella spelled board games it’s hard to tell if it’s a spelling error or pre-tween snark. Could probably go either way…

Full disclosure: I should probably send a preemptive disclaimer to her teacher.

Fuller disclosure: And explain that I’m talking about murdering my family.

Fullest disclosure: Or get to Ella’s iPad before Monday morning…