A ZAMBONI, TONY, AND A LOVE FOR MACARONI

A friend wrote this on Facebook…

So I wrote the following in a comment… because I can’t help myself.

I know you just wanted a title, but as it’s the season (Xmas), I wanted to give you something more…

A ZAMBONI, TONY, AND A LOVE FOR MACARONI

We see Anne Hathaway getting ready for work. She’s dressed to the 8’s and 9’s. She looks good — professionally. A lawyer maybe? We hear a car honk outside.

“Just a second,” she screams to an empty house.

Anne adjusts her heels as she steps outside. The car, who’s license plate says BANKONIT, honks again whereupon Anne almost slips and falls on the ice. When she gets in the car her boyfriend Mark Wahlberg, dressed in a pin-striped suit and a bright red tie, laughs and says, “You almost fell when I honked.”

“I know.”

“You should be careful.”

As they pull up to Anne’s work, Mark goes through a red light and almost hits a man wearing a hoodie and coveralls. We don’t see the man’s face as he just quietly shakes his head and keeps going.

“You almost hit him,” says Anne.

“So,” says Mark.

“I think he works in my building. I see him sometimes when-“

“He’s a janitor,” says Mark. “What’s the big deal?”

“Sometimes it’s like I don’’t even-“

But Mark shushes her as we hear ‘Eye of the Tiger’. Mark takes out his phone and starts talking. He shrugs his shoulders to the phone, but doesn’t take it away from his ear. He makes the motion with his hand that he’s going around the corner, waves goodbye to Anne, and pulls away. Anne shakes her head and walks into her building. As she walks inside she’s distracted by her own phone.

“On my way up right now,” she says answering it.

As she’s putting her phone back into her purse, she bumps into the back of the man in the hoodie and coveralls. The man just keeps going, but Anne says, “Sorry, I didn’t see you.”

The man turns around, but his face is covered by the hoodie. He pulls it back and we see it’s Ryan Gosling. He smiles and says “Hey, girl.”

“Girl?” says Anne. “I’m a woman. Don’t hey girl me.”

“Sorry,” says Ryan. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Fine. But think about your words. It doesn’t matter about the previous president’s precedent, it’s 2019*.”

Anne starts to walk away, and then turns around saying, “But sorry I bumped into… you.”

Ryan has disappeared. Anne shrugs and gets in the elevator.

We see a montage of Anne in meetings, leading meetings, talking on the phone, sending emails, reading through documents, etc. We see through her office windows that it’s getting dark. Soon it’s only her working in the office. Finally she shuts off her computer, pulls on her coat, and adjusts her heels before getting in the elevator.

The lobby is empty when Anne steps out of the elevator. In the far corner is a zamboni (because this building cleans its marble floors with a zamboni). We don’t really notice it, but it’s there under a giant Xmas tree. Anne starts walking through the lobby, which is wet and slick with almost 1/8 inch of water (because that’s seemingly how this zamboni works). As she’s walking, Anne starts to slip. Her heels can find no purchase. She tries desperately to gain some traction. Her legs are kicking and flailing. Her arms are spinning. But nah. She falls. Hard.

“OW!” howls Anne.

She looks around for help, but there is none.

“OW,” howls Anne again shaking her head and about ready to start crying. But from out of nowhere a hand appears. Anne looks up at the hand, and to the arm, and then to the face; which is half-covered by a hoodie.

“Hey… woman,” says Ryan.

Ryan helps Anne up and explains how his zamboni is on the fritz and what he really wants is a simple floor polisher, but the building’s management won’t let him — something about the bank around the corner — and that’s why there’s so much water.

“Oh,” says Anne. “Wait, what? Bank? Sorry, my blood sugar is low. I haven’t eaten all day.”

“I have some food if you want,” says Ryan holding up a lunch box.

“Maybe,” says Anne. “What do you have?”

“Macaroni.”

“Macaroni and cheese? Macaroni and tomato sauce? Macaroni and-“

“Just macaroni.”

“Just macaroni? Plain macaroni? Who eats just plain macaroni?”

“Me,” says Ryan.

“What’s your name,” asks Anne.

Ryan points to the name tag sewn onto the chest of his coveralls.

“So you’re Tony,” says Anne. “Who eats macaroni and drives the zamboni?”

Ryan (Tony) smiles and laughs. “Yeah. Pretty much.”

Long story less complicated, Anne dumps Mark, marries Ryan (Tony), and they live out the rest of their lives raising Goldendoodles in Rhode Island near the ocean.

Fin.

*Because it will take awhile to impeach, lock in A-list contracts, and schedule production.

Every time you click that clap a puppy gets a belly scratch, an ear rub, AND a handful of super yummy crunchy puppy treats. But if not, it gets the hose again. Just saying.

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Stephen H Stein

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Have a nice day unless you have other plans.

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